05 June, 2007

if jesus wore a speedo, i just might believe

last saturday night i went to a wedding. it took place in a lovely catholic church and as the priest droned on interminably i was overwhelmed with the sheer hypocrisy of it all: a celibate man telling a couple to love god above each other, as the only path to true happiness. riiiight. cough*bullshit*cough!

just because you have nobody but a god-concept to hold on to in the cold and lonely nights of your chosen profession (and really, may they be cold and lonely, because the alternative - choirboys and confused tweens - is unpardonable) does not mean it is either feasible or even possible for most regular mortals.

i pondered the realities of human nature as i stood, sat, knelt and stood up again (and took a few wonderous minutes to admire the odd pear shaped ass in thin white yoga pants - oh yeah - of the woman in the pew ahead of ours) and came to the conclusion that if you thought and thought and then took a cheezie and cola break and then thought some more, you could do no better at inventing a religion more unsuited to the aforementioned human nature than christianity.

you want selflessness? you want sharing of worldly possessions? you want sacrifice in the name of greater good? how about misogyny*? coitophobia? doing unto others? how about heaping shitloads of guilt? more guilt? anyone? anyone?

like communism, christianity is a lovely theoretical concept that ends in bloodshed when put into practice.

we are essentially selfish, mean, greedy,**unwilling to follow directions, ungrateful, petty, and contrary.

sure, we also occasionally do good but mostly on a small scale - is there an antonym to "genocide"? "mob violence"? "war"? (and before you burst out with "peace," i mean an active, not a passive event, not merely a lack of outright war, but an organized outpouring of positive actions, large-scale reconstruction and the launching of flowers and teddy bears into neighbouring territories. ha! gotcha! no such thing, right?)

so to hear the priest blather on about concepts as unfamiliar to him as scratching his balls is to a eunuch, was an exercise in depression. i wanted to belt out "JESUS CHRIST!" but felt it would be deemed as no more than an unseemly charismatic outburst from a protestant member of the audience, potentially carried away by the excitement of the mass. unless of course i followed that up with, "FOR FUCKS SAKE, SHUT UP ALREADY!!!" which i almost did.


*oh wait, christianity hardly has the monopoly on misogyny. humanity did that one all on their own, with the notable exception of various matriarchies over the ages which the church did its best to not just destroy but to vilify.

**ever seen a little kid in a store? the sheer power of toddler desire for something, anything: toy, candy, sugary cereal, something colourful, shiny, sweet or merely plastic is a force that has to be seen to be believed; don't tell me we aren't all born wanting.

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