22 April, 2007

disgrace in a key of shrimp

last night i did it again. there was a going away party for one of the dentists and i attended the party mister monkeyless. and, as you can well imagine, red wine was consumed. lots of it. and now i am in the throes of the usual feelings of self-loathing.

why do i mask my feelings of shyness and insecurity by drinking too much? why do i never shut up? why am i loud and obnoxious? why do i not stop after the second glass? why do i continue to up the ante - having once shocked laughter out of a group, i continue to repeat the performance of the polyester wearing herb tarlek, big mouth flailing, drink in hand (translated last night into drink on sweater - why oh why will i not switch to white wine already and save on the dry cleaning bills?) blah blah blah, just to feel, for even a few minutes some level of social acceptance? and why, for god's sake, can i not believe that people could simply like me minus the metaphorical lampshade on my head? do i not have good friends? do i not have good friends that have been my good friends for ever, thereby proving that i am not some loathsome vaguely slimy creature with bad breath and british teeth and a nervous twitch?

of course the irony is that to quiet my feelings of insecurity i become a cartoonish version of that very creature.

and really, all this agonizing is pointless because hey, maybe they had a good time last night with me. maybe they got to know me a little bit better. and sure, the boss' very nice wife had to help me zip up my coat but i know, i know that when it comes to zippers i could give up wine for a full year and still end up tangled up in a parka at the gap with three salespeople kneeling around me trying to extricate me. how do i know, you ask? uh, because it like happened. and i was stone cold sober at the time.

so really, the point is i guess that i really don't need wine to embarass myself. i just like the taste.

and you know, herb tarlek was kinda fun.

and the wine did come out of the sweater.

all i need now is some greasy salty food, a couple of advil, and i will be ok.

aaaah blogger, the world's cheapest shrink!

3 comments:

Anthony said...

You know, if it wasn't for the lampshade wearing and spilling of cabernet, I definitely wouldn't be your friend.

Anthony said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Piotr said...

I don't think I saw you spill wine on yourself. It might be due to the fact that I was juast as out there as you...