28 March, 2007

knee deep in dingleberries

today, to quote dickens, was the best of days and the worst of days, like a chimp on a trapeze, i swung back and forth between the mundane and the magnificent, the sloppy and the sublime, the good, the bad and the ugly, the...eh, you get the picture.

the good: having primed myself last night, i actually did yoga today for the first time in a long time. the trick, it turns out, is to talk to myself in a quiet gentle voice and give myself plenty of warning - no sudden screams of YOGA! RIGHT NOW!, no surprises, just a firm gentle statement that tomorrow i will do yoga. and so i did. i am in pain right now, even though i did the entry level stuff (my cartilage is made of firmer stuff than yours, my friend, i do not bend, even my ears do not bend), but it is a good pain.

the bad: unfortunately i made up for this lapse in couch-potatoism by consuming nearly a whole presiden't choice frozen tiramisu which, by the way, was delicious, but was meant to be shared by i believe six people. six skinny people, most probably, who don't know The Cheese Lust, bastards all! near the end i stopped eating not for any reasonable reasons, but because nausea had set in. i also had a salad for lunch but that hardly redeems my later gluttony.

the ugly: the trip to the store to pick up the Tiramisu of Shame was a descent into hell. since we came back to fort mac, we have settled on higher ground and rarely drive downtown. unfortunately i needed to return some library books and so had to brave the terrible roads and the extreme ugliness that make up the fort mac centre. i kept up a steady stream of expletives aimed at the streets, the buildings, the stupid ugly people, the big trucks, the big potholes, the mud, the stench, the garbage and the general fort mcmurrayness of it all. not a shred of my yoga peace survived that trip.

the uproriously funny: i finished terry pratchett's "going postal" this morning and, as per usual, it was very good. i routinely go into the library with hope for one more book of his that i haven't yet read, and the chances are somewhat reasonable since the man must have at least a hundred under his belt. it is always a sad moment when i finish a good one, though.

the unabashedly pretentious: and while we are on the subject of prodigious writers, i started on an anne rice novel. frankly, she should quit. i admit that her earlier vampire stuff was gripping, but now the thin plot is squeezed in between exhaustive descriptions of various characters' constant emotional turmoil: pages and pages are wasted on the tear-glazed eye, the shuddering breath, the trembling fingers, the sighing, the looking, the looking away, all the delicate emotions the likes of which i have neither ever felt, nor ever wish to feel, emotions that go on and on and on (very much like this sentence). i give it one more chapter and then it's back to some can-con (mordecai richler again, hugely enjoyable).

the mindnumbingly dumb: i don't like to be a racist, but goddamn it all to hell, who teaches newfies the english language? i don't care how skimpy your education, you should be able to conjugate your verbs by grade three, at the very least the verb "to be." hell, i could do that in kindergarten, and that was in poland! when a person tells me "i puts it over der" i have to shudder because really, there is no excuse. my entire family of recent and not-so-recent immigrants speaks better english than the people of newfoundland. or at least those of them here. perhaps it's the dunces that they toss out of the rock. who knows. but the next time someone informs me that their "jaw toot" is hurting, i will bring out a diagram of the wonderous fact that, my oh my, ALL teeth are in fact rooted in the jaw, not just the back ones. and then we'll practise how to make the "th" sound. and then i will beat them into a bloody pulp with my chair and run screaming out of the room. and then i will leave mr. m and drive to edmonton, and if you are there, you will have to buy me a very big stiff drink before the police take me away and put me in a padded room.

2 comments:

Pitur said...

what ann rice books were good? titles? I am looking for new stuff to read

Genevieve said...

I kinda likes the Newfie accent...or I find it entertaining, anyway. Bill gets calls from Newfies at work and can barely make out what they're saying sometimes. He waits for key words and hopes for the best.