25 March, 2007

the dumb and the beautiful

spurred on by tony, i took the IQ test offered by cbc and was disappointed though not at all surprised that i am not as smart as i used to be*. i was once tested as a kid and another of our little group of "special" youth took a peek at the results and told us how smart we all were. and let me tell you, was i a veritable boy genius! except i was a girl. since then i have slipped a bit, though still retaining my position in the very highest intellectual echelons of the nation. now i always knew that i was creme de la creme: if nothing else, the greasy ring in the tub was proof enough for me. but it seems that the dedicated drinking has had its toll on the poor little brain cells. rest in peace, little buggers, without you, could i ever have ended up where i am, scraping teeth, telling people to spit, wearing blood splatter? well yeah. i could. but i wouldn't be half as interesting to listen to, and that's a fact.

and speaking of purposefully moving in the direction opposite of improvement, i just noted tonight that much of my beauty regimen involves removing skin from my face. i slather on chemical exfoliants, i scrub with goop that mimics microdermabrasion, i peel, i scrub, i scrub, i peel, and one wonders if the object here is to get to the bottom of things. or do i really believe that underneath my 35 year old dermis, lies the glowing complexion of yester-moi? and if not, then what, besides the musculature, bones and other yucky bits (which cover my slowly failing brain) do i expect to find under there? the key to my unbelievable bone structure perchance?

oh, i do so rock.

but humanity as a whole** still sucks.

*and no, i will neither tell you how snart i once was nor how snart i now is. take my word for it: i is real snart. ok?

**see, i hate people, people suck, but persons...aaah, that's a different story. persons have been known to be pretty damn cool. i even like some of them.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

To kvetch is human; to exfoliate, divine! I have this feeling that Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, and the rest would all have advocated strongly for a nice scented facial scrub and a fibre-rich diet. There's nothing wrong with taking care of the goods. Now promise to take me spring shopping!