17 January, 2007

johnston wants a bear

so mister monkey phones me from work yesterday and asks me if i want to go to a surprise concert with him. the catch? it's at the coliseum, i.e. a hockey venue not known for either the comfort of its seats or the acoustics. being a loving wife, and experiencing a small frisson of anticipation, i say yes. what i am hoping, you see, is that my husband, a loving and generous person, decided that despite my proclamations to the contrary, i actually do want to see the tragically hip, even at this very tragically unhip venue.

guess what. the surprise was less of the "surprise! i got you a diamond studded g-string for your collection!" kind and more of the "surprise! i accidentally parked the car at the bottom of the north saskatchewan river!" kind. the concert? evanescence. yes, gentle reader. you heard me right. do not make fun of my musical tastes because i can't stand the pompous affectation of this goth-wanna-be ensemble, make fun instead of the musical tastes of my husband.

pretty much as expected, the coliseum was filled to the brim with young pimply pseudo goths, and early middle aged administrative assistants with too much eyeliner on, safety pins gracing their lightly torn skirts from old navy. oh, and lesbo-lites, teenage girls who think that holding hands with other teenage girls makes them hard core and cutting edge, though the constantly roving eyes, seeking nearby boys' approval kinda takes the edge off, if you ask me, though nobody had.

i mostly slept through the headliners (imagine a less talented but very serious sarah mclachlan backed by heavy metal drums, throw in a torn tartan christmas tree skirt for a skirt, and you pretty much have it covered), what with the endless repetition of very serious "tragic, haunting" songs that all sounded pretty much the same. yawn.

but. BUT: the opening act made me smile. they were called stonesour and the lead singer, a short little firecracker with 80's metal hair, was awesome. they banged heads in unison (very fetching!) and screamed many many songs, most of which were incomprehensible, loud, and forgettable, but we enjoyed the energy of some numbers. we might be wrong on the titles but these are a few of our favourites: "where the fuck is grandpa?" "johnston wants a bear" and "the banana song." if these songs are not in the band's listed repertoire, my apologies. i blame my aged hearing.

the lead singer was a charming guy who kept asking the motherfucking audience to fucking help him sing a fucking song. he told the motherfucking audience that fucking edmonton fucking rocked and was the best fucking show on the whole goddamn fucking tour (i bet he says that to all the cities) and ended his show by giving us all a big motherfucking thank you. buddy, you're motherfucking goddamn welcome. you goddamn made my fucking night.

then i came home and slept.

the end

No comments: