how not to start the new year (incidentally, exactly how i started the new year):
hovering over the toilet, wondering which end it will be this time: face or ass? face or ass? oh, let's alternate, shall we?
some would say it was the cosmopolitans and the vodka and sodas, i think it was the shrimp. i really didn't drink that much and the shrimp began to talk to me almost immediately post consumption. fucking crustaceans!
still, the new year's eve trip to canmore was great. cross country skiing in god's own winter wonderland, spiced wine by the fire, walks in the snow, so much laughter that my cousin's wife actually had to take a painkiller for a busted gut, and then the big night out at the banff springs hotel where the booze flowed freely (gack!) and the music was provided by a really great singer who should be told that men plucking their eyebrows is reprehensible, gross, unattractive and seriously disturbing (all you equal opportunity types can kiss my ass). i actually found the quality of his singing sinking every time i looked at him so i avoided looking at the stage studiously. because we had prebooked our cab ride home, we had some free time to explore the hotel while waiting - if you've never wandered the halls of the banff springs hotel, you seriously should if the opportunity ever presents itself. we discovered a piano in a medieval ballroom and i could not resist. i plink-plonked my way through the three pieces i still recall from my abandoned musical career and would have assaulted the ears of my friends longer still had we not been interrupted by a mysterious bald guy in a silver jacket who swooshed me away, sat down and proceeded to play strauss, elton john and some other wedding-singer classics while we waltzed around the room, wandering where the security types were and how long they were going to let us get away with this impromptu party. and i found a box of high-end tea, an abandoned gift for chelsea that i decided to keep. sorry chelsea, in case you're wondering, you left it on the piano. and thanks. then the ride to the hotel. then the toilet. and more toilet. and then some more. the ride home took forever and ended with mister monkey unloading the entire vehicle while i lied in bed shivering. i seem to feel better today although if you were a 2 year old with reduced upper body strength, you could still knock me over with one hand. easily. i am drinking ginger tea and eating white rice (which is the only white grain of any kind in my high fibre household).
so kids, happy new year, reflect, think about the past, present and future, eat well, quit smoking, lose weight, do whatever you need to do, but don't get suckered into the whole new year's resolutions thing, which is statistically bullshit anyhow. change when you need to, buy gifts whenever you feel like it, spend time with your loved ones all year long, and for god's sake, think for yourself!