03 December, 2006

a whole squadron of spider monkeys

hey! you know what? i am now a card carrying (fake) member of the progressive conservative party (to which i will link no more, because you might get the wrong idea and start sending me PC/republican themed shit and that would not be at all good).

today we did our part and voted for the Lesser Evil, although i still fear that Lesser Evil Candidate pulled this "hey, i may be right wing, but i am a huggable lightly left-leaning right wing" specifically to get people like me, mister monkey, and the gay and lesbian community to vote him in, whereupon he will cackle violently, rip the mr. nice guy latex mask off his horribly deformed reactionary fascist face, and proceed to let the oil industry engage alberta in an unlubricated butt-fuck for the remainder of the century. sigh. choices, the bane of adult existence (and also its sweet sweet joy - a whole tub of häagen-dazs raspberry sorbet for us to eat and eat and eat until there was no more! take that, you parentally controlled young'uns! WHOLE! TUB! IN YOUR FACE!)

several days ago we were shopping for our frutas y verduras at superstore and the air was suddenly poisoned by the shrill cries of a toddler. there was also a strange doppler effect thing going on as the parents continued to shop in all areas of the fruteria/verdureria (did i get that right?). it got old quickly and i wanted them to please, in the name of all that is good and holy, shut. the. child. up. please. at one point i was palpating some questionable oranges and the cart bearing the youthful screamer rolled up beside me. i looked at the toddler and when we made eye contact i stared coldly at him for a little while then made a face and turned away. did i feel terrible? not really*. unless i know you well**, your children at best bore me to death, and at worst annoy the crap out of me, so you know what? whatever. funny thing, though, the next day i very cheerfully helped not one but two elderly ladies. so i guess i am not all mean. then again, the elderly do not annoy me and they rarely scream. so - moi, mean to toddlers, helpful to the elderly. i should get a t-shirt made.

*what do you expect from a card carrying conservative? big business - YES PLEASE! future generations - SCREW YOU!

**for friends with children reading this - have no fear, i know and love your endlessly fascinating offspring; this was not meant for you. really.

p.s. today i saw britney spears' private bits. good god. eeew.

p.p.s. my own damn fault. i googled it.

p.p.p.s. sleepy time: big girl style!

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