- back to the Topic That Just Won't Quit (a.k.a. Gee Your Life Smells Boring) the christmas party: i had a glass or two of wine with dinner but as soon as the food was done no more wine would enter my suddenly reluctant esophagus. it wasn't until the end of the night that i decided to check the bottle of our vin du jour (or vino del giorno) and...GASP!...it was italian. now i know that last year they served a not-cheap australian yumminess, so this was no cheap italian swill. lesson learned: italian wine sucks syphillitic donkey walnuts, and is good only for vinaigrettes and marinades. if you think i am full of shit and/or you disagree, tough noogies. i have NEVER had good italian wine, be it cheap or not. N. E. V. E. R. so if your name is guido, and you and your trusty knee-cap breaking baseball bat wish to get a little closer to me, feel free. it would take more than concrete shoes to make me change my mind. it would take good italian wine. i rest my case (like a steaming meatball atop a spaghetti heap of ethnic slurs and racial stereotypes)
- i have recently realised that it has been a long time since i was last drunk. i might have been tipsy at the christmas party, but even i have my standards. i think my last decent inebriation was at our thanksgiving long weekend. how sad. am i getting old? am i getting boring? was i always boring? the big plus of drinking is that it makes you far more interesting to yourself (if no one else).
- mandarin orange season is upon us and we are on our third box this week. i am averaging 6 a day. my teeth hurt, my insides seem to have liquefied and my tongue is raw, but i am man enough, i can take it.
- looks like our weekend of wine, cheese and teenage girlhood has been smacked upside the head by uncooperative weather. even we will not risk life and limb for wine and cheese. especially considering we have a fair bit of the cheese here (we are running the controversial underground cheese railroad to our less fortunate bretheren in buttfuck, alberta)
- i can be a really mean person sometimes. mister monkey deserves a nicer wife, i think, but at the same time i figure a nicer wife might conceivably bore him to death, and since i think he is a pretty wonderful addition to humanity, for the good of the planet and humankind i will stay as his worse and definitely crankier half. but if you know any nice, smart, witty, fun girls, introduce them to me* and i might reconsider. boring nice girls with applique sweatshirts and big cars need not apply. and no trixies either.
*and when i say "introduce them to ME" i really do mean it. no going behind my back, or you will find out how mean i truly can be. GRRRRR!!!