i have spent the last few days fending off intense sadness. i might dismiss it in my mind as being purely hormonal but strangely enough the origin of the phenomenon has little bearing on how it makes me feel. and it has been making me feel pretty shitty. wednesday morning as i trudged to work through darkness and slush, i felt like howling. it took me 3 hours to stabilise, and since then there have been more bouts, though perhaps of lesser intensity. so i started to think why this particular month has me fantasizing about valium - usually i am more bitchy than sad, and this time i am sad with a vengeance. so what gives, gentle readers? what gives is this - we have found ourselves in the very unique position of shopping for a house! i know, i know! nobody anywhere ever has been in this strange situation before. it is bizarre, unique and unprecedented. but wait, you say (butting in your ugly logical head as usual), you are wrong! everyone everywhere is always buying houses! people do it all the time without going through anxiety, depression and the Big Black Vortex of Howly Thoughts. riiiight. i sort of knew that, all along. but thanks for pointing it out.
so yes, we are sort of half-heartedly house-shopping and despite frequent pep talks i give myself, explaining gently and in small unthreatening words, that it is normal to buy a house, that people have done it before and it is a perfectly non-scary situation, my reptilian brain will have its status quo or it will subject the rest of me to mindblowing mini-depressions.
we have sort of found one, pricier than we thought but in a perfect location and in move-in condition. we also found a couple cheaper and in need of some TLC but in good location as well. we were also looking for land in southern BC which looks like a great place to build that off-the-grid house for when civilisation takes a nosedive (you are welcome to come and camp out when that happens, but you will have to take up some chores, like feeding the goats or something to earn your keep, because in the new world order there will be no slackers and only through honest hard work and cooperation can we reestablish the US postal service...oh wait, that was a kevin costner movie. sorry).
so we are now faced with Choices, which forces us to make Decisions, and in the interim we must do Research, and also sign Important Documents. all of this is reducing my poor little status quo loving reptillian brain to a howling blob of jelly. reptilian jelly. which reminds me (in an unprecedented leap Off Topic and into more Capitalised Wonders!) of last week's pre-sadness moment when mister monkey asked me casually at the table what savoury jelly was called and, being well informed about gastronomical matters, i lightly answered "aspic." this was greeted with a 3 second silence before the two of us looked at each other and dissolved into peals of adolescent laughter. but alas, and alack, that is indeed what savoury jelly is called. "waiter, can you tell us the aspic du jour?"
back to the topic at hand:
nothing new has happened. except for this: i came home from work yesterday and found a message on our machine from some dude saying he had a meeting scheduled with mr.m at eleven yesterday and he was just wondering what happened. mr. m came home and expressed total astonishment at apparently having had this meeting. so once we figured out who the guy was, and that he had legitimate claims on our time (we will not waste our time, it is precious, remember this when you come round with your bibelots and your silly fancies) i contacted him this morning to arrange an actual meeting. so he tells me not to worry, apparently mr. m called him back to apologize. at this point i am utterly flabbergasted - we get snarked at for missing a meeting we never arranged, and then we call back to apologise for missing said meeting, all without ANY KNOWLEDGE OF THIS! so either mr. m has a split personality (though you'd think i'd have noticed by now) or this guy got us confused with someone else. at any rate, meeting now officially (re)arranged, and all is well in the universe. except in the dusty corners of my small reptilian brain, but not to worry, little reptilian brain, today you shall see the new james bond movie, and tomorrow you will drink free wine at mr. m's company christmas party, and that should make you happy. are you happy, little reptilian brain?