look! more numbers! with words attached!
1. i took my mandatory annual CPR course the other day. i have to say that silver alien blowjob baby never ceases to instill fear in my loins. what if my (still hypothetical) baby looks like that? would i love little actar? would i cradle its silver plastic body next to my bosom, or would i beat its little plastic head against the side of the table as i tend to do during class (it produces a strangely satisfying hollow thumping sound)? would i patiently change its disposable lungs? would i shop for replacement blue foam vests? at the end of the day would i lovingly remove its head and stick it between its legs before tucking it tenderly in the durable carry bag that it came in?
2. i showed up for work yesterday only to be told that there had been a mix up and i was not needed, so i took this unexpected blessing of a free day and spent a couple of hours sitting in a downtown walk-in medi-clinic trying not to inhale the second hand smoke fumes rising from the clothing of the other patients. why do people have to be such cliches? hey! i am an inner city poor person! enjoy the reek of cigarette smoke and listerine that accompanies my every move! how dull. if i was an inner city poor person i would go out of my way to smell like kippered snacks and cheap bourbon, or bologna and hershey's chocolate syrup. i am forever disappointed by people. look at me - i am a dental hygienist and my socks are never spotlessly white! i am not chipper and perky, and i couldn't care less if you floss or not.
3. my chicago marathon cold is entering its sixth week now. i am tired of the delicately fluttering pile of used tissues that graces our bedside. i am tired of coughing. i am tired of being tired. and i fail to understand why the pharmaceutical giants persist in flavouring their cough syrup. my current flavour du jour is raspberry which, inexplicably, tastes almost identical to yesterday's flavour, cherry. i am a buckley's girl at heart, but alas, they do not have the codeine supercharged version that i currently require.
4. the hunt for the perfect condo continues. the more i see, the more i love our place. guests of ours, you might have to deal with the classy couch-and-floor combo for a while yet.
5. ok, maybe i am a bit of a cliche. i am polish, and our place is currently infused with the aroma of cooking sauerkraut while my fridge smells like garlic pickles. yawn.
6. i met a girl recently whose bangs look like a small intricately curled sausage hanging over her forehead. this makes me wonder about fashion and general self-awareness. does she not realise that at this point in the century few people would be caught dead with a sausage roll bang? and what about those rare girls who still sport the rooster bangs? have they not perused even one fashion magazine in the last several decades? if so, could they have failed to notice the marked absence of both rooster and sausage roll bangs? did they not wonder at this strange phenomenon? i am not saying one needs to be a fashion victim, cause man, that is so sad, pathetic, shallow and painful to observe, but to doggedly continue a fashion trend that lags several decades behind the general populace is just plain odd. i get not caring two hoots about fashion. i don't get getting stuck in a look and taking it way past its due date.
7. it's BAAATH TIME!!!!