19 September, 2006

dear god,

i've been thinking, and this whole leaving a small footprint thing is sooo over. i've changed my mind and now i'm ready for your blessings. shall we start a little list?
i'd like a house. a big house. a big big BIG house with a three...four car garage in the front, air conditioning, cathedral ceilings, cathedral windows, wall to wall white carpeting, a formal dining room far from the kitchen, a formal living room for fancy sofas that no one will ever sit on, a breakfast nook, a den, a great room, rumpus room, games room, family room and bonus room, as well as many many shiny bathrooms with gigantic jacuzzi tubs. also, i'd like a pool. whether indoor or outdoor, i don't really care, since i don't intend to actually use it but only mention it in passing during conversations with people who do not own a pool. i'd also like a bit of a yard, all nicely fertilized lawn, watered and mown with alarming regularity (though not by me, duh!).
furthermore, i'd like several big cars. full leather interior, navigation systems, gps, compass, automatic EVERYTHING, a truly loud stereo system and not one but two dvd players, 'cause why not? i'd like a big loud motor boat and a couple small loud jetskis. and snowmobiles. and quads. and some motorbikes.
i'd like a big diamond ring. i'd like genuine overpriced prada purses, some manolo blahnik shoes, and clothes i pay full price for for a change. and i'd like to be blond. really blond. platinum blond! and let's throw in some liposuction of the general gut area. and botox those crow's feet that are really starting to piss me off, and acrylic nails done every two weeks. and a boob job, though i haven't decided yet in which direction i shall take that.
give me a cell phone that does it all. i want it to take shitty pictures, i want it to play mp3s, i want it to be a personal organizer, a calculator, a computer, a blackberry, blueberry and kiwi fruit, and a tazer.
i also want to hunt, god. i could use some trophies on my walls.
you see, god, i want to assume full stewardship of the planet and what is a good stewart if not someone who leaves a nice big footprint to show she's been and gone and damnit, nobody'll ever forget. so how about that? are you ready to bless me god?

1 comment:

Anthony said...

Thankfully, god will ignore your list and your sarcasm. I, on the other hand, was filled with jealousy and realised my personal list was far too short, although I've always wanted an indoor pool and an olymipic sized out door one. Duh, where else are all the trixies going to hang out winter and summer.