17 September, 2006

america, fuck yeah!

some things i miss about living in the usa (in no particular order):

1. trader joe's which is THE best organic lola granola supermarket chain anywhere (take that, yuppified overpriced whole foods!)
2. teena, phil, shana, shawn and jan
3. cheap gas (although i am theoretically in favour of the price of gas reflecting the actual cost of oil, it's still nice to pay less as opposed to paying more - such is human nature)
4. chicago diner (if you're in chicago and craving vegetarian diner food, i highly recommend it)
5. the perpetually unfinished and overpriced yet mesmerizing bean
6. nookie's for breakfast (cranberry bread pudding pancakes - enough said)
7. cheap shopping (see 3.)
8. cheap flights (see 3.)
9. unlimited cheap yoga (hmmm)
10. $5.99 yellow tail wines (is there a trend here? what? canada is the new sweden or something? it's not THAT much more expensive. unless you drink a lot of wine...ahem.)
11. the chicago waterfront
12. the extreme friendliness of the people (even the republicans, so help me god!)

some things i definitely don't miss about living in the usa (again, in no particular order):

1. the jingoistic slogans (yes, yes, we get it, you're proud to be american, blah blah blah, can you just shut up about it, get informed about world politics and elect someone smarter already? thank you!)
2. the ubiquitous stupid misconceptions about canada (no, you will not have to wait a week to get into a hospital if you have a heart attack. really.)
3. "god bless america" bumperstickers (there are other countries out there, you know)
4. the stretching of vowels beyond all reason (it's "canada" not "caayynadaaah," it's "pat" not "paayyyaat," and it's definitely NOT "bahnaaaaaaynuh")
5. guns (in case you haven't noticed they aren't exactly helping either your crime rate or your world image, but hey, if it's in the CONSTITUTION it must be right.)
6. even bigger cars than north of the border (do you really need that escalade?)
7. an overabundance of hummers (see 6.)
8. the breathtaking contrast between the rich and the poor
9. the idea that universal healthcare for all members of a really really really rich country* is a socialist pipedream (most developed countries have some form of it; they are hardly all card carrying mao-loving stalinist commie pinko lefties)
10. the belief that CNN is actual news
11. the idea that if they do it to us, it's terrorism; if we do it to them, it's "spreading democracy and freedom" (whether the bastards like it or not) - it is tragic that from the congo, through nicaragua, to present day conflicts in the middle east, bullying in the name of democracy is the policy of choice, while massive human rights violations go on and on at home.
*the irony of quoting the cia here is not lost on me


Anthony said...

Amen to your list. Glad you're back to posting.

shana said...

shucks aga... we miss you too. it was good dining with you however...