17 July, 2006

unrelated startling facts, some of them even dull!

1. if you care for me, you will get me a feather duster. and i don't mean a cheap, plastic chicken feather duster the colour of bubble gum. i want a real live ostrich feather duster, preferably with a wooden handle. my birthday is far away but i can wait. "and ye shall know their love by the gifts they come a-bearing" bartholomew 7: 32 (i just made that up). but seriously, folks, i will be waiting. and remember - i will officially hit my mid thirties then so i can become easily unbalanced. unlike now. snurf!

2. i was thinking of professions to put into my profile. i have been an intrepid lobsterwoman, am now a languid potato farmer (take that any way you will), and was thinking of moving on to one legged rockette or a cheerful mercenary with the french foreign legion. i'm sure they have authentic feather dusters - i bet things get really dusty in the desert. if you have any other suggestions, drop me a line.

3. mr.m is quite a hilarious sleeper - he has sung in his sleep on more than one occasion and regularly laughs his head off. today as i got into bed (before jumping right out again for your literary pleasure), he chuckled and said, "blind one! mucha-you!" (mucha, pronounced mooha is a fly in polish - go figure!) why a blind one and why the added "you" is doomed to remain a mystery: he never remembers a thing upon waking.

4. i have just knocked an alarmingly large beetle off the chair i am sitting in. i fear that the dark is perfect for these beasts but i cannot turn on the light because my nakedness would stun the neighbourhood. actually the neighbourhood seems pretty stunned already. stunned as me arse, as the newfies so eloquently put it.

5. i have gone to the dollar store (yay dollarama, for a. the supercool name, and b. the fact that all things actually do cost only a dollar) and purchased a small spray bottle which i then filled with water and several drops of essential oil of grapefruit. this i spray on my hot, hot feet. (hot as in overheated, not as in sexually aroused - get your mind out of the gutter, all you podophiliacs out there!) shana, if you are reading this - wowee, it works. short term only (goshdarn evaporation) but it really really helps. of course it doesn't exactly help me sleep since i am too busy gleefully spraying my feet, but it is a good thing nevertheless.

6. many, many brackets in the preceding point. can you take it? all those whispered asides, all those snippets of disjointed thought? i said - CAN YOU TAKE IT? 'cause if you can't, that's all right with me. (really)

7. sleep evades me. it is still bloody hot. my mom told me they had a big scary storm which was heading in our direction. it takes about 4 hours to cover the distance by car - how long will the storm take? i mean the traffic can't be that bad at 12:30am!

8. i seem to be losing more and more hair. i wonder if i will be a cute bald girl, like that one in that star trek movie, what was her name? god, i love google. all you do is type in a string of silly words that are tumbling around in your sleep-deprived brain and you get pertinent information back. whoever said "garbage in, garbage out" had clearly never heard of google. which, of course, happens to be absolutely true, since this was said before...gasp!...google actually existed. but i don't want to lose my hair. not without a damn good reason. perhaps i should try that black turnip shampoo after all. strange how all black turnip shampoo searches (no, folks, this does not come directly from my brain!) turned up polish sites. do no other ethnic groups out there use turnip shampoo for weak hair? CHALLENGE: if you are a non-polish ethnic type person (whatever that means) and use turnip shampoo (and by this i do NOT mean a detergent used for cleansing your turnips), let me know.

9. i am very tired yet not sleepy and i am getting hungry. also, i keep imagining all manner of multi-legged beasties crawling all over me, though mostly it's just my hair falling out and my psychoses acting up. but i do believe i shall retire for the night.


Pitur said...

O ktorej godzinie ty to pisalas. Brzmi to jakby pisane okolo powiedzmy 3:15 nad ranem. Jak blisko jestem?

Anthony said...

Thanks for entertaining me again. Black onions, eh? I can hardly wait until you're back on Western soil. There's a nice bottle of Shiraz waiting for you (to share with me, of course).

agalinea, mistress of the murkiness of meaning said...

a) written between 12 and 1:30am.

b) black TURNIPS, man! TURNIPS! ain't it obvious? hair? turnips? no?