31 July, 2006

stick it to the man

i was sorting my emails today and came across this gem: "what, no comments about the electrified nipple clamps? how the zippy youth of yesteryear falls into moral and mental decrepitude and focuses solely on the issue at hand instead of diverging tangentially into the land of non-sequiteurs and seguelessness...."

hmmmm, nipple clamps.

remember how i said it was hot yesterday? hah. HAH, i say. i was a naive and sweetly blind wee thing yesterday. i knew nothing of how hot it could get. today it will get up to 37 goddamn degrees of the celcius variety. plus there's a humidex warning ("beware the humidex!" their cries pierced the night's sweet air and henceforth terror reigned). i am sitting here in my god-given outfit of skin and hair and am wondering what else i could possibly remove to feel better. possibly i will shift things around in the fridge to make room for my overheated ass. but you really didn't need to know that, did you? or perhaps you did, which is why you keep on returning. plenty of ass information for your reading pleasure.

hurray for cold cold watermelons (i especially like the van gogh #20; nothing beats high-culture-carved-in-fruit to make postmodernism come alive). also, nothing beats this headline for messing with your perception of the known universe. i mean, square is flat, right? my vision of a square watermelon is one that has just been run over by an ACME truck, à la wile.e. coyote. what they give us is actually a cube. yes, CNN, there is a difference between a square and a cube. sheesh! hire a geometry consultant or something!

i am off. i shall find myself a piece of consumerist heaven, as long as it is air-conditioned, and there i will curl up today.

stay tuned for more sweat drenched updates.

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