11 July, 2006


i've finally gone and done it. ladies and gentlemen, i've gone and called the authorities. and lest you judge me harshly, let me ask - how would you like to be woken up at 3 am by the words "I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU FUCKING GODDAMN COCKSUCKERS!!!" with variations on the theme, at full volume, while things are getting smashed? not so nice, that. so i caved and called the cops. and, again, lest you judge me harshly, mine was the third phone call received that night about this particular address. i don't think i have ever heard anyone scream so loudly and with such apoplectic abandon. ever. add to this the whole 3 am bit. and that it went on for almost 2 hours. not so nice.
the cops, of course, took their sweet time.
at one point the madman next door shouted, "YEAH, POINT YOUR GUNS AT ME! SHOOT ME!" and while i was pretty certain there were no cops there yet, i found myself agreeing with him wholeheartedly. damn skippy! the man wants to be shot - shoot the man! he's a taxpayer, he has his rights! but, alas and alack, no shots were fired and he continued his tirade against COCKSUCKERS, MOTHERFUCKERS, ASSHOLES and PRICKS. the highlight of the event was his response to an irate neighbour presumably asking him to turn down his music (though how he could hear the music through the screaming is beyond me): "I LIKE MY MUSIC LOUD AND BEAUTIFUL!!!!" this, i assume, explains his predilection for celine dion. mr.m and i giggled like schoolgirls over that one. it was hollered with much bitterness and malevolence, while guns and roses played in what was left of the background. tee hee. what a whacky combo! he must certainly be popular at parties. until he snaps, i guess.
but as all good things must come to an end, eventually all was quiet.
now it's hard enough for me to fall asleep under normal circumstances (such as not having adrenalin pumping through my bloodstream) so i was not happy with the odds that i would actually drift off. but you know what? i did drift off, and fate repaid me for my suffering with a soft porn dream featuring prince william (who was actually much cuter when he was just squeaking by as jailbait). so the night was not a total wash out.

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