14 June, 2006

tv confessions (in no particular order)

1. i have never watched survivor. ever. i might have seen a sum total of 5 minutes while flipping through channels in hotels looking for law & order
2. ditto for american idol, and fear factor, and any other reality tv you could possibly think of
3. with the notable exception of america's next supermodel, of which i saw several episodes and could not look away - it is delicious and wrong in the exact same way as a deep-fried mars bar but with fewer calories
4. when i flip through the second-hand star mags that someone routinely leaves in the laundry room of our shitty building, i have no clue who half the people in it are: mischa who?
5. i hate denise richards. she has the wide-eyed doe look that makes me want to kick her teeth in. luckily she is no longer pregnant - i would never kick a pregnant woman, that's just mean.
6. i hate seinfeld. i have always hated seinfeld. i hate every single character on it except for kramer, and kramer i find annoying.
7. i love law & order. when we stay in a hotel i can watch hours of law & order and its various spin-offs until i get vaguely sick to my soul what with all the bludgeoning and raping and lawyers. the next morning i usually have a law & order hangover and swear off tv for ever. until the next hotel stay, that is.
8. i think the simpsons is hilarious, politically relevant, smart and witty. people who think it is a kids' show are dumb. there are probably tonnes of new shows that are even funnier, more relevant and smarter, but since i have no tv (and when i do, it's law & order pour moi) i'll never know.
9. southpark's "shut your fucking face, uncle-fucker" song often runs through my head. i used to find myself humming it as i worked on patients and had to resist the urge to break into song - not so professional, that.
10. as a young girl i got to have my very own tv in my very own room, at which point i became addicted to dynasty, realised i was wasting my time and gave the tv back to my parents. yes, even then i was appallingly responsible, dull beyond belief and a goody two shoes. only now i drink.

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