16 June, 2006

the obligatory list of 100 things about me (part deux)

61. i can't handle dental hygienists who take themselves too seriously - yo, we are scraping calcified twinkies off people's teeth here! yes, yes, i know it's important, but doctors without borders we ain't!

62. i have tried sailing, horseback riding, snowshoeing, rollerblading, swimming, cross-country skiing, downhill skiing, skating, biking, hiking, badminton, volleyball, baseball, football, canoeing, weight-lifting, running, pilates and yoga. i am uniformly terrible at all those things and enjoy only a few of them. clearly, i am not athletic.

63. i got an english honours degree just for the fun of it. i love writing essays - they are the perfect form of expression for someone with a short attention span and an overabundance of opinions.

64. my friends have really cute children

65. if we do bite the bullet and reproduce (the growing likelihood is inversely proportional to my likelihood of actually getting preggo) my husband will be good daddy. i will be mean mommy. i just know there will be beatings involved. and psychological manipulation. which, if you think about it, is a pretty damn good reason to have children. hah!

66. i write poetry at about the same rate that i paint - less and less every year. i like to think it's quality over quantity but i may be only kidding myself. but i actually have a fan (count'im - one!). he comes to all my poetry readings (count'em - three!) and compares me to james joyce. or is it james barber? i don't know who he is (the fan, not james joyce - i do have an english degree!) but it's nice to know someone likes my work.

67. i am a people pleaser and carry a huge load of guilt even though i wasn't really raised as an all out catholic

68. i have a terrible temper which explodes out of control, causes a lot of collateral damage and makes me feel terrible, which probably explains the people pleasing bit.

69. both mr. monkey and i are very good cooks

70. i love cookbooks but read them the way i would read a jane austen novel - for the lush descriptions and nothing else. i am not disciplined enough to follow recipes. the women in my family cook and bake without recipes, sew and knit without patterns, and generally are creative rebels. we are also spectacularly good looking, wise beyond our years, and smell good.

71. i hate it when people say things like, "hey, let's get together some time!" without any intentions to carry through with it. i hate you!

72. i love alberta but my favourite city is vancouver

73. i sometimes lie on magazine quizzes to make myself look good. it's more like tweaking the truth, but still.

74. my favourite colours change all the time but i currently favour chocolate brown, tangerine, and chartreuse.

75. if i was to go see strippers, i'd rather see women than men. perfectly waxed boy-toys with their bouncing satin covered goodie sacks bore me.

76. when i dress, i dress for women, not men. men don't generally care what you have on as long as it leaves your bits exposed. women can appreciate clothes.

77. i hate people as a group, though i often love people individually. it gets confusing, because i sometimes also hate people individually. so, with small but significant exceptions, i am basically a people-pleasing misanthropic bitch wanna-be.

78. i am a fast walker, and my height has nothing to do with it. my mom is short and walks just as fast.

79. my dad runs several marathons a year. we quietly think he is insane.

80. a couple of years ago my mom and i joined my dad for a marathon in white sands, new mexico. it's one of the few marathons you can join as a walker. it was an incredible experience and i will do it again. we did the 42 km (26 mi) in 8h 40 min, and i can proudly say that other than the runners, not one single person passed us. we walked funny for days after.

81. i went on 2 mountain backpacking trips in my life and although i was sore and bitchy for a large part of them, i must say i was proud of myself. i also enjoyed the guilt-free french fries at the end.

82. what i learned from the above experiences was that i would rather walk 42 km on flat terrain than 6 km up a steep mountain. but i will do both again.

83. i've been downhill skiing since i was 3 but i am not nearly as good as that would suggest. a couple years ago i realised that i really don't enjoy it, what with the high costs and the age-sharpened awareness of my own mortality. then i realised that i am now technically an adult and no one can make me go so i stopped.

84. i hate bugs. i can handle spiders because they eat other bugs. if it has more than 8 legs, i do not want to see it. butterflies, seen up close, count as bugs.

85. i have a tiny family but i love them all to bits.

86. going back to poland used to be great because of the food, until, in the last few years, they discovered processed cheese slices and presliced fluff-o-bread. luckily, at the same time, north america discovered farmers' markets, the slow food movement and artisanal bakeries.

87. i have never been a full blonde, though i did once get so many highlights that when i came home, mr. monkey took one look at me and cried gleefully, "i get a bimbo!" i refuse to go blonde because it is so obvious.

88. my elementary school best friend was named izabela, in junior high it was asia, and in highschool, joyce. now, other than mister monkey, i don't have one best friend, but many really amazing ones.

89. i miss pork but i also really like pigs so i won't eat them.

90. i didn't start drinking till i was 19, but have since caught up, especially during my 3 years in a small alberta town.

91. i went through 2 serious episodes of depression in my life, which statistically and medically speaking means that i have practically 100% chance of being depressed again in my life. i wish they wouldn't tell you things like that - it's depressing.

92. i have not been depressed since i met mr. monkey, but i bet ya he's had a few bad days with me!

93. i killed a skunk with our car on our trip to quebec. i felt terrible since i had never killed anyone before...oh, except for the squirrels i gleefully shot with an air-gun a decade ago, but they were crapping in our cereal, and i fed them to coyotes, so that's different.

94. mr. monkey's most favourite food in the universe is pho.

95. when they are in season, i can eat so many cherries that i get sick. then i eat some more.

96. anyone who calls me "agnes" is no friend of mine. my name is agnieszka. mangle it, mispronounce it, do what you will with it, but do not call me "agnes," it is not, and never has been, my name. if i like you, you can shorten it.

97. i grind my teeth. when i was 23, my dentist told me i had the teeth of a 40 year old. i wonder what age they are now.

98. i secretly want a tattoo, but i am afraid my mom will find out.

99. i didn't vote in the last election because we were in the usa, and i take full responsibility for what happened. canada, i am truly sorry.

100. i don't completely trust gravity, so i fear heights.

101. i would wear nothing but linen, silk and cashmere all the time. i am a simple girl with simple tastes. and yes, i realise that linen wrinkles. polyester doesn't. draw your own conclusions.

102. matching shoes and purse are not a fashion statement. they are a sign of an atrophied imagination.

103. i like pretentious french movies.

104. i am a super organizer. my books, cds and dvds are in alphabetical order. i used to have colour coded hangers but after my aunt laughted at me i sort of realised it was sort of wonky. sort of.

105. i feel that if you are unable to signal when driving because you are too busy talking to, like, your totally best friend tiffanie, you need to reexamine your priorities and GET OFF THE ROAD, bitch!

106. in the spring i pet little leaf buds and say hello to them.

107. i am cranky when: i wake up, i am hungry, i am tired, i have a headache, i am reading and someone disturbs me, i am lost, i do something stupid. some would say i am cranky pretty much most of the time, but being somewhat of an optimist (in a cranky, pessimistic kind of way), i choose to think that i am NOT cranky SOME of the time.

108. i am lazy. i might have mentioned that before.

No comments: